The good, the bad and the very bad

Another year rides off into the sunset, and a new one dawns. But before it does, here are the highlights of my blogging year:

• January: Big Business makes big mistakes, including dead bodies in planes and the toy that turned into a date-rape drug.
• February: It’s advertising, Jim - but not as we know it looked at product placement in film and TV.
• March: 10 ways to increase your productivity, from mind-mapping to Mavis Beacon.
• April: 5 ways to beat blank-page syndrome, to help you fill all that white space quickly.
• May: The uncomfortable truth about comfort zones might make you feel a bit…well, uncomfortable. But that’s the point.
• June: Are you underselling yourself? explored the fine art of getting the price right.
• July: What makes you different? talked about ways of standing out from the crowd.
• August: Think smart and beat the downturn was ahead of its time, and is even more relevant today than it was in the summer.
• September: The trouble with technology highlighted a problem: the technology.
• October: Country branding: lessons we can learn looked at why we think what we think about countries, and why Germany is way cool.
• November: The pitfalls of specials offers found that sometimes, they’re not that special.
• December: How to increase your chances of making the sale took us to the wonderful world of first-class travel (sort of).

And that’s it. See you in 2009.

Let them touch it, taste it, feel it, smell it, drive it.

Ever flown first class to Hong Kong?

No, neither have I. Or at least, not really. Well, sort of. Kind of. What I mean is that I feel as if I have.

Let me explain.

I’ve just been for a ride (turning left at the door, not right) on a Cathay Pacific 747.  I settled into my cubicle with a long drink and an endless selection of videos. A flight attendant appeared as if by magic to satisfy my every whim. And the hours just slipped by as I enjoyed the sort of trip others only dream about.

And yet, I never left my desk.

For this ‘try before you fly’ experience is entirely virtual. It’s a revolutionary concept that takes you there - without taking you there.

You can choose to see it from a first-person view, or watch somebody else experience it. You can be a man or a woman (man, before you ask). And you can read, email, catch a movie and watch the world go by without ever leaving the comfort of your own home.

The next best thing

If a picture is worth a thousand words, an experience is worth much more. That’s why nothing can come close to test-driving a car - not the brochure, the salesman’s spiel, the Youtube video or the word of a friend.

The open road beneath you, the wind in your hair and the smell of new leather does it every time.

It’s something the software industry has known for years. In the early days, we called them ‘crippled versions’ (not very clever, nor very politically correct). They worked, but some of the features were ‘disabled’ (another unfortunate term).

But then, the software companies realised that limiting the functionality also limited the experience.

So they then came up with ‘time-bombed’ versions: everything worked, but after a set period, the program did a Mission Impossible - unless, that was, you upgraded to the full version.

Show, don’t tell

Experience beats description every time.

Just look at Bovis and McCarthy & Stone, property developers in the UK. They’ve realised that buying a house is a big move for most people - but particularly for older people, who realise that they probably won’t move again. With so much at stake, they want to get it right.

And what better way to do it than ‘playing house’ for a couple of days?

You can move in and get a feel for the place. Settle down with a cup of tea and watch some TV. Try out the beds. Meet the neighbours. Go for a walk. Anything you like, in fact.

And all without buying. A couple of days later, you know whether it’s the place for you.

Pure genius.

You don’t always have to opt for such a radical solution. There are lots of different tactics you can use to create a ‘try before you buy’ experience by the back door (or at the very least, a side-door):

• Give something away: maybe it’s a low-value product that gives the customer an idea of the quality and finish. Maybe it’s a service (e.g. a day’s consulting) that shows them how you operate.
• Offer a money-back guarantee: they’re not exactly trying before they buy, but they know that if it doesn’t work, or they’re not happy, they can get their money back.
• Include testimonials: often, the fact that somebody else has tried means that they’ll buy.

But ultimately, nothing beats trying the real thing. So don’t be afraid - let them touch it, taste it, feel it, smell it, drive it.

Then they’ll buy it.

Find out more:

• All aboard, with Cathay Pacific’s ‘try before you fly’ experience.
• Make yourself at home with Bovis and McCarthy & Stone.

Make sure you don’t confuse your customers - and your staff

Just a few days ago, I had a text message from my mobile phone operator.

‘You could call Ireland for just 10p a minute to landlines, or 20p a minute to mobiles,’ it said. All I had to do was send a text to activate the service. And I could check out their website for other great rates.

So I checked out the website. Sure enough, the rates were great. I could call Sydney for 10p a minute. Bratislava for 5p a minute. LA for 10p a minute.

But here’s the thing: my normal rate is 15p a minute to a UK. And I never call Sydney, Bratislava or LA.

Still, it’s a great deal, I thought. So I sent the text message.

Two things bothered me, though.

First, I’d looked into international rates before. And on my pay-as-you-go mobile, they were an eyeball-popping £1.80 a minute to an EU country. Now, that was slashed to just 10p.

I’d also remembered seeing that ‘passes’ were available to contract customers - you pay X, and you get cheap international rates. But the pass was valid for a month.

So I was getting a great deal for absolutely no commitment? A niggling doubt started to niggle.

The second thing was that the acknowledgement text message I received didn’t say the service was activated. Just that they thanked me for my message.

So was it or wasn’t it activated?

Only one way to find out - call customer services.

Who’s sorry now?

And that’s when it all started to go wrong.

‘JR’ (Texan twang, but more Delhi than Dallas) told me that it hadn’t been turned on. But he’d do it right away, and it would be confirmed in five minutes.

Five minutes later, I got an identical text message. Still none the wiser, I called customer services again.

‘Ellen’ (East Coast, but more Bangalore than Baltimore) told me that it had been activated. Great, I said. So I could start making calls to Lithuania for just 5p a minute right away? Or Slovakia? Or New Zealand?

Uhm. Let me check. Screeching on-hold music. Five minutes of screeching on-hold music.

“I can confirm that you can make top-ups as normal,” she said.

So wait, I said. I need to make a top-up to get these rates? On my existing balance, I’d still pay the old rate?

Silence.

“Ellen,” I said tentatively, “are you still there?”

She was. But she’d have to put me on hold again. More screeching.

“Thank you for holding, Kevin,” she said in her too-friendly way. “I can confirm that tou can make top-ups as normal.”

I pointed out that she hadn’t answered my question, and that she was simply repeating her earlier (irrelevant) line.

“I can confirm…”  And she was off.

“Ellen,” I said patiently. “It’s a simple question. I’m sure there’s a simple answer. Do I get these great rates just by using my phone right now? Is that how it works?”

“You know,” she said slowly and deliberately, “it’s very confusing for us too.”

It wasn’t meant to be like this

Pricing is complicated enough without special offers that confuse everyone. In my case, I couldn’t help feeling that my mobile operator was being less than honest.

Why were Eastern Europeans getting bargain-basement rates? And if I were a contract customer, I’d wonder why pay-as-you-go nobodies like me were undercutting their expensive passes.

Pricing isn’t a science - it’s an art.  And special offers are part of the mix. While there’s no ‘right’ way to do them there are some guidelines you can follow to make your life - and your customers’ - a whole lot easier:

• Keep it simple. If your staff don’t understand your pricing, what chance is there that your customers will?
• Get the word out. When you launch a new deal, make sure you tell everybody inside your organisation too.
• Don’t alienate existing customers. Everybody needs new customers if they’re to grow and expand. And that means special offers - of course it does. But you can’t stop existing customers seeing your ads, browsing your site and chatting to friends (after all, that’s what they do with the phone, right?). So you can’t stop them finding out.
• Don’t do it too often. When I was working for a major international software company, one of the subsidiaries in the EMEA region became famous - infamous - for its special offers. It did so many of them that it became expected. When there was no special offer, sales died. Stone dead. They only ever sold software when they had a special - but they had to make a lot more sales to make up for the reduced revenue on each sale.

And that’s it. Now, I’m off to randomly dial people in Sczeczin for 5p a minute.

Why? Because I can.

It’s not as easy as you think. (Nor is it as difficult.)

Photo by Marc Nozell, used under a Creative Commons license.

Yes we can.

Of course we can. But exactly what is it that we can do?

Well that’s the great thing about Barack Obama’s tagline. It means whatever you want it to mean. It creates a sense of possibility, of potential, of empowerment.

The same goes for his change taglines: Change can happen, Change we need, Change we can believe in.

It’s like tofu: sweet or savoury, tangy or velvety. You decide. But whatever you do, you can’t contradict it: because the election was going to bring change anyway, since George W Bush couldn’t stand for a third term.

So it promised everything, without really promising anything.

The perfect tagline.

You want it? You got it.

Promises are at the core of taglines. Just look at supermarkets.

In the UK, Tesco has Every little helps. They’re saving you money, which is especially important in these tough economic times, when every penny counts.

Sainsbury’s takes a different tack with Try something new today. This could mean a new product, a new flavour or a new recipe. But it could also mean a new supermarket.

Both taglines look like they’re handwritten, which adds to the personal touch.

Upmarket chain Waitrose doesn’t have one. At the other end of the spectrum, neither does Asda. But Asda’s US parent company Wal-Mart has a great one: Save money. Live better.

How could you say no?

iTagline

Technology companies love taglines. And none more so than Microsoft. When I worked for them, it was Where do you want to go today? New York? The Moon? Round the corner? The White House?

No problem. We can do that.

Now it’s even more visionary: Your potential. Our passion. It says ‘you can do anything, and we’ll be with you every step of the way.’  So Microsoft is your friend, and my friend, and everybody’s friend. It’s warm and fuzzy and creates a direct connection with the reader.

Unlike Sun Microsystems’ tagline, which baldly states The Network is the Computer. That one leaves me cold - mostly because I feel as if I’m being led into a Brave New World.

And in any case, what happens when the network goes down? Does the computer go down too?

Ready, set, go.

Taglines are endlessly fascinating. And endlessly distracting. So here’s my quick-and-easy five steps to deciding what’s best for you:

• Look at your company. What do you do? How do you come across to clients? If your company had a personality, what would it be?
• Look at your audience. What do they want to hear? Will they appreciate or understand cleverness in a tagline? Do they want you to ‘tell it as it is’? Will they even read it?
• Work out your mission. What problem do you solve? What message do you want to send out? Remember, this is a mission, NOT a mission statement (nobody, but nobody, reads those).
• Don’t get into analysis paralysis. Every tagline has pros and cons. There is no right choice. And what’s right today may not be right in six months’ time. Put 10 options down on paper, then whittle them down to five, then three. Then one. Choose it and don’t look back.
• Remember, it’s just a tagline. It’s not as important as your clients, your service, your stock availability, your timekeeping, your delivery, your customer care, your responsiveness, your dedication.

At the end of the day, it really is just a tagline. And that’s just one small piece of a very big puzzle. So slot it in and admire your handiwork.

Then move on. (Yes, you can.)

[Note: the taglines in this post are all either (R) or (TM) of the relevant companies.]

…unless you’re absolutely sure about them

1. Use Latin if you’re writing in English

I’ve just been reading a blog post by one of my favourite bloggers.

He’s witty, intelligent and often makes me laugh out loud. His writes things I can’t find anywhere else (the Holy Grail of blogs) which is why he’s always on my must-read list.

And one of the things I really like is that his spelling is impeccable. Or at least, it used to be.  Because his latest post contains a glaring error.

Homo sapien.

It brought me to a juddering halt. In my mind’s ear, I could hear Mr Watson drumming his thin, bony fingers on the blackboard.

“Sapien, Mr Walsh?” he’d intone. “Sapien? Be so kind as to tell the class what part of speech that is.”

Just thinking about it sends a chill down my spine.

And more so because sapien isn’t any part of speech. It’s just a common-or-garden mistake. I can see how he got there, though. If homo sapiens means ‘men’, then you just knock off the ’s’ to mean ‘man’, right?

If only life were that simple.

This blogger used the Latin term because he wanted to appear just a touch cleverer, more educated and…more superior?

It didn’t work.

[Note for Latin lovers - or even lovers of Latin: homo sapiens is singular; the plural, never used, would be homines sapientes. Thanks, Mr Watson.]

2. Make fun of people (unless it’s yourself)

Oh dear. Hell’s Pizza has done it again.

I’ve written about the New Zealand pizza chain before. They like a walk on the wild side when it comes to marketing.

They’re the ones that created a pizza called ‘Lust’ that shipped with a free condom. And they ran an advert with Hitler with his arm outstretched with the line ‘It is possible to make people believe that heaven is hell’. (Jewish groups were outraged and the ad was withdrawn.)

Well last week, they crossed the line again.

This time, it was a Halloween promotion that had three dancing skeletons: Sir Edmund Hillary (the first man to climb Everest), the actor Heath Ledger, and the Queen Mother.

Hillary’s family said it was “in very poor taste.” (The campaign, not the pizza, you understand.) It too has been withdrawn.

Rachael Allison, Hell’s Pizza marketing director said the company was known for its controversial advertising, and that a lot of people loved it. She went on to say:

“Interpretation of this is always up to individuals and we are always mindful of that and always keep an eye on our tone of voice and try to keep on top of that.”

A little too much sauce, I think.

3. Assume that technology works

Your website’s got an e-commerce function so you never have to talk to people. It just runs itself, right?

Wrong.

I recently (re)discovered this when I tried to buy a USB pen drive. I dropped it into the basket, then clicked ‘Next’ to enter my details. Then ‘Next’ to go to the payment screen. I filled in my card details, and hovered over the ‘Pay’ button.

And that’s when the little seed of doubt sprouted into a green shoot and pushed through the soil.

Had I ordered the 2GB or the 4GB drive? I was pretty sure it was the 4GB one. But here’s the thing: I couldn’t go back, forward, or anywhere else. I couldn’t view the basket. It was ‘Pay’ or nothing else.

So I opened another browser, brought up the website again, found the contact number, phoned them up, got them to pull up the (pending) order and check that it was 4GB. It was, so I clicked ‘Pay’.

Not an example of technology at its best.

It’s also important to remember that technology is logical - ruthlessly logical. The sort of ruthless logic that caused AOL and Google to blacklist the northern English town of Scunthorpe as an obscene term (think about it).

The sort of logic that meant Google Alerts I set up a few months ago never reached me. Why? Because they were blocked by the Google’s Gmail spam filter.

The bottom line is this: technology is only as clever as the people who design it (not to mention the people who use it).

And that’s a pretty scary thought.

Find out more:

• Tasty pizzas and tasteless humour: ‘Grotesque’ NZ pizza ads dropped on the BBC news site.
• Brush up your Latin with Harry Mount’s Amo, Amas, Amat… and All That.
• Get all the dirt on the Scunthorpe Problem at Wikipedia.
• Want to set up a Google Alert? Click here. Then cross your fingers.