Three unrelated themes this time.

Except they’re not.

They all take something that’s ‘obvious’ and turn it on its head. They’re about coming at something from a different angle, and solving a problem creatively.

1. Brick in the wall

It’s three whole years since I highlighted a funny, compassionate and intelligent presentation by Sir Ken Robinson at TED entitled Do schools kill creativity?

It appealed to my inner rebel – and my outer one too.

And I wasn’t alone. His landmark talk was downloaded over 4 million times, striking a chord with a global audience.

And now he’s back.

His 2010 talk – Bring on the learning revolution! – will make you stop and think about how best to find your niche. His central idea, that ‘education dislocates people from their natural talents’, is a powerful and persuasive one.

He also talks about the ‘tyranny of common sense’, something we hear every day in the business world (‘we’ve always done it that way!’). And why education shouldn’t be linear (because life isn’t).

It’s all there – from Eric Clapton to fast food, from dreaming about being a fireman to why nobody under 25 wears a wristwatch (do you?).

Enjoy.

[If you're reading in email, click here to see the talk on TED.com]

2. Tomayto, tomahto

What’s your company’s tone of voice?

And before you say business-like or professional, think about who you like to do business with. Businesses or people? Faceless and anonymous, or personal and friendly?

Would you like to do business with your company?

I thought about tone of voice again this week when I re-read a blog post from the Wise Old Man of Marketing, Seth Godin.

What sort of accent do you have? starts with the obvious (accent) and extends the idea.

Writing, he says, has an accent. And actions have grammar.

He’s right. Everything we say, everything we do, every interaction we have with people sends out a subtle message.

Don’t know the difference between principle and principal? (Find out.) Think you are sounds more professional than you’re? (Think again.) Don’t have an address on your website? (Include one.) Don’t make it obvious what your prospect should do next? (Change that.) Like to include ‘takes up to 28 days’ to make sure you’re covered on delivery lead times? (Nothing takes a month.)

Everything sends out a signal, whether we like it or not.

So what signals are you sending out?

3. It’s all in a name

Can’t think of a name for your business? Tell me about it.

Actually, don’t. Instead, jump on over to Wordoid.com. And you’ll have a new business name in next to no time.

The idea is simple – you suggest a word to use as the basis (e.g. tech, shop, idea, high, first, micro) and it’ll create a new word for you.

You can choose to put your word at the beginning, middle or end of the new word. And you can choose to make it sound natural, almost natural or (bizarre, but actually kind of funky) hardly natural.

It even checks whether the .com and .net domains are available for the new word. And best of all, it’s free.

Could naming your business get any easier?

Thought not. So what are you waiting for?

Find out more:

• Do schools kill creativity? Sir Ken Robinson’s original 2006 talk.

Related posts:

1. Just what you wanted for Christmas
2. Three things you should remember
3. Free advertising is just a step away
4. What sort of mind do you have?

It’s been a while since I let pictures take the place of words, so here we go again with Copycam.

It’s my occasional series on copy that’s caught my eye and addled my brain, captured with my trusty Nokia (still in my Top 40, by the way).

First up is this, which I saw at Marks & Spencer:

Found the mistake? Or should I say mistakes?

First the glaring one: the apostrophe.

It’s such a tiny little thing, but it causes endless confusion. The general rule is that it’s before the s if the word is singular, but after the s if it’s plural. So that gives us:

• The boy’s coat.
• The boys’ coats.

So far so good. The trouble arises when that boy grows up to become a man and is looking for something to wear in the evening.

Irregular plurals are treated just like the singular. So you get:

• The man’s coat.
• The men’s coats.

So hats off (evening hats, of course) to M&S for effort. They got the general rule right, but in this specific instance, it’s wrong. And what’s more, wrong in 600 stores up and down the land. Oops.

Still, at least they tried. Unlike Sainsbury’s, who opted for the maxim if in doubt, leave it out. This time, we’re talking 500 stores throughout the UK.

It’s only an apostrophe, you might say. Does it really matter?

Well yes and no.

The meaning is clear, but the mistake still niggles. Small things suggest bigger things: if organisations don’t care about apostrophes, what else flies under their radar?

It may not even be a conscious thought, but it affects people’s perceptions. And somebody somewhere will notice (especially here in Cambridge, where every other person you bump into has a PhD.)

It’s an image thing. It’s a brand thing. It’s an attention-to-detail thing.

And it’s something that’s worth getting right.

Speaking of which, what else is wrong with the M&S example? Well first, eveningwear isn’t one word – it’s two. Whoever wrote it was thrown off-track by menswear, which (a) is one word and (b) doesn’t have an apostrophe.

And the last thing that’s wrong isn’t related to grammar, spelling or punctuation. It’s the small print, which reads:

* Applies to products with mens’ eveningwear stickers only. Excludes cufflinks. Savings are applied to total price when items are purchased individually. Items in this promotion cannot be refunded or exchanged individually. All items must be refunded or exchanged together in order for a refund or exchange to be processed although you may be entitled to a refund on individual items in accordance with your legal rights.

Come again? Here’s what I got from this mumbo jumbo:

• You have to buy these items individually to qualify.
• But if you do, you can’t refund/exchange them.
• Even if you don’t qualify for a refund/exchange, you probably do under law.

Oh dear. I feel a little bit grubby after reading that. I think I’ll head for the gents (note: no apostrophe) to freshen up.

Don’t quote me on that

If apostrophes bamboozle us, then quotation marks (also known as inverted commas) are double trouble. And recently, they’ve been proliferating.

Again, the rule is simple. Quotation marks go around something that somebody actually said. It’s a quote (the clue’s in the name).

Here’s an example:

“Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to so few.”

And another:

“I’m going to say this again: I did not have sexual relations with that woman.”

Easy, isn’t it?

And yet quotation marks are everywhere these days, often with entirely unintended consequences.

A couple of weeks ago, I saw this in the window of a shop in Cambridge:

Really? Who said that?

The answer, of course, is nobody. The quotation marks are being used for emphasis – which is not what they’re intended for. For emphasis, we have bold, underline, italic or a combination of all three. Plus CAPITALS, colours and fonts.

There’s no shortage of choice. Go ahead – knock yourself out. But save quotation marks for quotes.

It could have been worse.

Quotation marks are often used with sniper-like precision to home in on one particular word or phrase, which immediately makes you think of the opposite.

“Now open!”

So it’s not really open? It’s a joke? The door sticks? It’s not open when you think it is? It’s open but the entrance is elsewhere?

The possibilities are endless, but all undermine the intended meaning. And this insincere, does-it/doesn’t-it quote is everywhere nowadays. Somebody’s even set up a website called The Blog of Unnecessary Quotes.

Or to give it its proper title, The “Blog” of “Unnecessary” Quotes. Hilarious examples include:

• We value “you” as our special patient
• “Deal” of the week
• “Wet” paint
• “Special” Mongolian beef $5.95
  

Check it out, and you’ll never, ever use quotation marks again without asking yourself whether you really need them. I “promise”.

The wheel of fortune

To add insult to injury, the bicycle shop was closed.

It was 3pm on a Thursday afternoon, but the lights were off and the door locked. I checked the opening hours, and they were indeed supposed to be open. But instead, they were “open” (i.e. closed).

Outside, several prospective customers peered into the gloom, saw the sign, and looked puzzled.

And went elsewhere, probably never to return.

Find out more:

• Say it like you mean it at The “Blog” of “Unnecessary” Quotes.
• Possession obsession on the Apostrophe Abuse blog.
• Help is at hand: The Apostrophe Protection Society rides to the rescue.

Related posts:

1. Who moved my apostrophe?
2. Misplaced humour, unintended meaning and dodgy punctuation
3. What tone of voice works best?
4. The shock of the new
5. Keep it straight and simple

OK, let’s jump on in.

Oh you thought there’d be a witty intro, a scene-setting anecdote, did you? You thought you could just sit back and enjoy the ride?

Well you can, in just a moment. But first, here’s a question for you:

What is a paragraph?

Give up? Well cast your mind back to your English class, and you’ll remember that each paragraph should have one idea. When you move on to a new idea, or a new angle on the same idea, then start a new paragraph.

It really is that simple.

(Paragraphs also allow you a little breathing space, as you can see.)

Now if a sentence is part of a paragraph, it too should have a purpose. And it does: it conveys part of the idea, and should have a focus all of its own. Pack too many elements into a sentence, and you’re heading for trouble.

Here’s an example from The Guardian newspaper:

Having been one of just 10 women MPs when first elected in 1982, at seven months pregnant, she has long been a critic of the gentlemen’s club culture, and while many of her colleagues are calling this crisis a catastrophe, to reformers it is also an unmistakable opportunity.

Feeling seasick yet? I certainly am.

This never-ending sentence is taken from an otherwise well-written profile of Harriet Harman, focusing on the MPs’ expenses scandal.

It’s a one-sentence paragraph, but look at how many ideas are in it:

• She was elected in 1982
• She was one of just 10 women MPs
• She was seven months pregnant
• She’s a critic of the gentlemen’s club culture
• Some of her colleagues are calling the crisis a catastrophe
• To reformers [is she one of them?] it’s an opportunity

This sentence is a bulging holdall, a ragbag collection of unrelated ideas. And yet it was written by a journalist with decades of experience.

Tip #1: don’t mix too many ideas in one paragraph, or in one sentence.

Say what you mean

Though the above sentence is long and winding, its meaning is still (just about) clear.

That isn’t always the case.

I know what I mean, you say to yourself, as you read back over a sentence you’ve just written. Sure, it’s not the most elegant sentence in the world, but then, you’re not looking for prizes – just to get your message across.

But it doesn’t matter if you know what you mean. Does your reader?

Last week, I came across the following sentence:

Interestingly, and perhaps in a sign that this is changing, Cruddas goes out of his way to praise James Purnell, who resigned on Thursday night with a spectacular call for Brown to do the same, both personally and intellectually.

I scratched my head. Aren’t all resignations personal? And how do you resign intellectually? I read it again. And again.

Then, in desperation, I read it aloud. And finally, I realised the meaning. It’s this:

Interestingly, and perhaps in a sign that this is changing, Cruddas goes out of his way to praise James Purnell, who resigned on Thursday night with a spectacular call for Brown to do the same, both personally and intellectually.

Tip #2: read everything you write out loud (but make sure you’re alone first).

It takes two to dangle

Have you ever received a letter or email that begins:

As a valued customer, we’d like to make you a very special offer.

Something feels wrong, doesn’t it? (I mean other than the ‘special’ offer, and the fact that you’re valued no more than the 100,000 other recipients.)

This problem revels in the delightful name of a (deep breath) dangling non-participial modifier.

In plain English, it means that the first part is unrelated to the second.

Who’s the valuable customer? You are. So the first word after the comma should be you. The corrected sentence looks something like this:

As a valued customer, you qualify for our great special offer.

Alternatively, you could rework the beginning, giving you:

As you’re a valued customer, we’d like to make you a very special offer.

See? That works better. Well the English does anyway – I’m not so sure about the offer.

But that’s another story.

Tip #3: if you begin a sentence with ‘as’, be on your guard. You might just be dangling (and it’s not a pretty sight).

Related posts:

1. 5 tips for writing a killer brochure
2. Five ways to improve your writing
3. Two simple ways to make your writing better
4. Want more? Ask for less.
5. Size really does matter

In summer 2007, I decided I was stressed (long story, email me for all the juicy details). So I took myself off to a meditation course.

The course leader was a sweet old lady in her 70s. Grey hair piled into an unruly bun, skewered by a dark brown chopstick. A lived-in face and a sweet, sing-song voice.

To break the ice, she asked everybody where they were from. It all went smoothly until she reached a man in a rumpled tracksuit.

“And where are you from?” she said solicitously.

“Where,” he repeated in a dull monotone.

“Yes, where are you from?” she said again, the embodiment of indulgence and patience.

“Where,” he repeated, without the rising intonation of a question.

“That’s right – where are you from?” with not a hint of exasperation. (She was a walking advert for the benefits of meditation.)

“Where,” he said again. “W-a-r-e. It’s a place in Hertfordshire.”

We all smiled and heaved a collective sigh of relief. From there, the only direction was upwards.

***

Confusion is everywhere, in the written and the spoken word. And here are the second five in my Top 10 easily confused words.

1. affect / effect
   This one is guaranteed to set your head spinning, so take a deep breath before carrying on.

   Affect is usually a verb (dredge your memory banks – a verb is a doing word). So you might write the credit crunch has badly affected the housing market.

   Effect, on the other hand is usually (note the usually) a noun (a thing, in common parlance). I had three whiskies last night, and I’m still feeling the effects (a purely hypothetical example, you understand).

   Now here’s the chaser: effect can also be used as a verb. Nicolas Sarkozy promised to effect change in France.

2. imply / infer
   To imply is to suggest something: my boss implied that my work wasn’t up to scratch. In other words, he made it clear, without actually saying it straight out.

   It’s very often confused with infer. So here’s an easy way to remember which is which: imply is to do with sending, infer to do with receiving.

   So if, on the other hand, my boss made a remark about my work that was ambiguous, or open to interpretation, I might infer that my work wasn’t up to scratch.

   Luckily for me, I’m my own boss – so the implying and inferring is kept under one roof.

3. fortuitous / fortunate
   If you know the difference between these two words, then you’re very fortunate indeed – most people don’t.

   Fortuitous means by chance. It’s random, and not necessarily positive: the principal made the fortuitous discovery of my stash of cigarettes [bad].

   Fortunate means lucky. So I could say fortunately, the principal didn’t discover my stash of cigarettes [good].

4. they’re / there / their
   “If you are in your 40s and British,” The Economist wrote a couple of weeks back, “it is quite possible that your spelling is an embarrassment. You may never have been taught the distinction between “there”, “their” and “they’re”, or perhaps even your times tables.”

   It’s not just forty-something Brits, though. These three little words cause confusion among people of all ages and in all locations.

   They’re is a contraction of they are. There is the opposite of here. And their means of them.

   Put them all together and you have they’re going to put their bags over there.

5. led / lead / lead
   A few months back, a client corrected some copy I’d sent them. It had included the phrase this led to big increases in productivity. Her amended version read this lead to big increases in productivity.

   So who was right? Here’s a clue: not her.

   It’s an easy mistake to make. The past tense of lead is led. Unfortunately, it rhymes with lead (as in pipes, pencils and balloons). So there’s an understandable hesitation.

Unconfused? Good. Now perhaps you’d like to do something ahout your stress levels. I know a very good course.

Just email me and I’ll tell you Ware where.

Related posts:

1. Top 10 easily confused words – Part 1

Several years ago, a friend of mine worked for a recruitment consultancy. Let’s call them Acme Inc.

Their contracting arm (which supplied staff to companies on a contract basis) was called Acme Inc. Independant Services.

Did you feel a twitch of discomfort as you read that? Good. So did my friend – and one day, over an end-of-the-week glass of Chardonnay, he mentioned it to his boss.

Independant, he explained, doesn’t exist. Dependant does (the woman had three dependants). Dependent does (the three children were dependent on her). Independent does (he stood as an independent candidate).

But independant doesn’t.

His boss, playing for time, drained his glass. Then, he smiled his twinkly smile, and slurred, “it’s a deliberate mistake. It shows that we really are different.”

My friend returned his smile, considered his career, and kept his mouth shut.

Write to the point

Good grammar is important to good writing. Would you consider showing a client around messy offices? How about answering the phone informally? Or having a logo that’s skew?

Of course you wouldn’t.

But somehow, dodgy grammar flies under the radar. At least, most of the time. For somebody out there will notice – and they’ll draw conclusions pretty fast.

So here are the first five of my Top 10 easily confused words.

1. who’s/whose
   Who’s is a contraction of who is. So you can say who’s at the door? But you can’t say the man who’s car I ran into. It’s an understandable mistake (Peter’s car, Jane’s car, who’s car). Instead, you should say the man whose car I ran into.
2. i.e / e.g.
   If you’re a Latin scholar, you’ll never confuse these. But most people nowadays don’t know their amo from their amas. i.e. stands for ‘id est’, which means ‘that is’. In other words, you’re explaining what you’ve just referred to (the Chancellor of the Exchequer i.e. the Minister of Finance). e.g. on the other hand, stands for ‘exempli gratia’, and means ‘for the sake of example’. It’s used when you’re giving one example among many. So you could write one of the permanent members of the UN Security Council e.g. France.
3. disinterested / uninterested
   It’s common nowadays to see disinterested used as the opposite of interested, as in my brother is disinterested in politics. It should be my brother is uninterested in politics. Disinterested means impartial or neutral, so you could say to resolve the dispute, we need a disinterested party to hold mediation talks.
4. principal / principle
   Just the other day, I read on a web site our guiding principals are honesty, integrity and efficiency. And that’s wrong. For a principal is more likely to guide a school, if anything. Or you could talk about a principal ballerina. If you’re talking about values, it’s principle every time.
5. it’s / its
   This is a very common mistake – and an understandable one. If you can say Peter’s hat and my uncle’s house, you’d expect to say the house lost it’s roof in the storm. But you don’t. Instead, you say its roof. It’s is a contraction of it is. So you could say it’s a lovely house (but not if it lost its roof in a storm).

If your head’s already hurting, then perhaps it’s time to lay lie down.

Part 2 next week.

Related posts:

1. Top 10 easily confused words – Part 2