The other day, on the treadmill at my local gym, while watching Sky News, I was struck by something.

No, not a dumbbell or a gym shoe. But a thought.

Am I the only person in the world not dyeing my hair?

Now of course I’m not, but watching the newreaders, sports reporters and correspondents, you could be forgiven for thinking that we live in a world where grey has been banished forever.

Salt and pepa (and more salt)

OK, time for a little test – on me.

Here’s the photo you’ll see popping up all over my site. It was taken a few months ago, and (if you get up close and squint) it shows some grey hair:

Let’s indulge in some time travel. Fast-forward and we get this:

Now I don’t know about you, but I think that looks pretty distinguished.

I’m thinking George Clooney, French Finance Minister Christine Lagarde, or even erstwhile Chancellor of the Exchequer Alistair Darling (minus the caterpillar eyebrows, obviously).

On the other hand, I could decide that grey was a bridge too far, and go for the raven’s wing look:

Hmm.

East End car salesman? Dodgy geezer at Newmarket offering odds on the gee-gees? Desperate-but-loveable on a dating site?

I don’t think so.

Maybe instead I’d go for a halfway house solution, the preferred choice of newsreaders everywhere.

The silver wingtips that they hope that will make people think He couldn’t be dyeing his hair. If he were, he wouldn’t have grey bits on the side.

Oh dear. Now that’s just sad.

And the problem is that the greyer – or whiter – the wingtips get, the bigger the difference between the sides and the unnaturally dark top.

Cruella de Vil here we come. Not for me, I think.

The colour of money

And the connection with copywriting, marketing and the world of business? I hear you ask, weary after last night’s office party and struggling to follow my seasonal meanderings.

It’s simple.

Everything you do sends out a signal – including trying to appear to be something you’re not. It speaks volumes about your honesty, integrity and credibility.

The business equivalent of a hint of a tint might be:

• Pretending your company is bigger than it is (we, we, we).
• Claiming the offer is free when it’s actually free*.
• Talking about a product that’s worth X so that Y seems a really good deal by comparison.
• Dodging responsibility for a problem that’s clearly of your making.
• Talking in a language that overblown, larding it with marketing hype and a generous dollop of business buzzwords.

And the solution? Well you could try to:

• Be yourself (people might just like you).
• Humanise your company (people might just like it).
• Admit your mistakes (the sky won’t fall in).
• Not conceal yourself behind pompous circumlocutions and grandiloquent expressions (like those ones).  Talk normal.

And remember, if everybody else is coming over all black-and-silver-wingtips, being different can set you apart. Keeping up appearances and doing a me-too means you blend in with the pack.

The bottom line? It’s OK to be grey (as long as you’re not dull, that is).

And if you’re still not convinced, here’s one last test. Santa A or Santa B?

Thought so.

Merry Christmas.

P.S. Is it just me, or do you start humming Nessun dorma when you look at B?

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Four things happened to me this week.

OK, more than four things, but since you haven’t got all day, I’ll give you the short version.

Extra strong – with wings

First, I hung out at Starbucks, which is better than any serviced office I’ve ever seen.  You can stretch one cup out all afternoon, as you huddle over your laptop.

But this time, I decided to leave my comfort zone. No, not my favourite armchair by the window. But my coffee.

You see, I normally opt for a grande, skinny, decaf, sugar-free hazelnut, extra-hot latte - enough to give any barista RSI as they scramble to tick all the boxes.

But this time, I decided to change. A regular coffee seemed an appropriate departure, so I consulted the board. Americano, I thought. That’ll do the trick.

But wait…what about Freshly Brewed Coffee? It was much cheaper, and that was enough to tip the balance.

So that’s what I ordered. And instantly regretted it.

Americano is basically a diluted espresso, made on the spot from achingly fresh coffee beans. Whereas Freshly Brewed Coffee is, well, not really fresh.

The barista pivoted round, flipped the tap on a big silver urn, and filled the cup with tired old dregs.

So that would be Freshly Stewed Coffee.

Lesson 1: don’t stretch language beyond its limits.

Next stop Paris

From there, where else could the week go? Upwards was the only way, and yesterday, Eurostar put a smile on my face.

I live in Cambridge, and every week, like it or not, the local freesheet newspaper lands on my mat. Usually, it goes straight in to the recycle bin.

But not this time.

Paris – An all hours guide, the cover (which wasn’t really the cover, but a advert wrap) said. Pull out. Fold up. Pocket it.

The inside is crammed full of useful listings – places to eat, relax, and boogie on down. The back has a handy map. There are even Cambridge-Paris train times (via King’s Cross/St Pancras).

And coolest of all, a handy origami-style diagram showing you how to fold it all into a pocket map.

Brilliant. Just brilliant. Why?

It’s targeted, it’s personal and it’s useful. Even if I don’t want to go to Paris tomorrow, I’ll keep it for when I do.

And so Eurostar has achieved the Holy Grail – an advert I’ll never throw away.

Lesson 2: think smart, think targeted, think like a reader.

Bag for life (not)

Tesco delivered my internet shopping this week, all  neatly packed in carrier bags. Re-use this carrier bag and collect Green Clubcard Points, each bag cried out at me.

If only I could.

At least half of the bags had the handles knotted – double-knotted. And they’d been lifted into the crate at the store, then out of the crate on to my doorstep, then again to my kitchen.

Each time the knot got a little tighter. In the end, the only way I could open them was with scissors.

You see the green problem.

When I pointed it out to Tesco customer service, they said they’d put a note on my account.

But what about all the other shopping packed at that store? In fact, at every store countrywide? How many bags were being wasted, I wondered.  Surely they could feed it back to somebody who could change things?

Silence. Then they said they’d put a note on my account.

So I dropped it. Some battles you can’t win.

Lesson 3: make sure everybody in your company shares your values.

Game over

This week I ordered a DVD – La Vie en Rose (it’s known as La Môme in France).

It’s the fourth French film I’ve ordered in as many weeks, so play.com have a pretty good idea of my tastes. Perfect for marketing purposes.

Or so you’d think.

On the invoice that came with the DVD, they’d conveniently printed a list of other bestselling and upcoming titles.

Clever. But also not so clever.

For their titles included Knocked Up: Extended and Unprotected Special Edition, along with Hellboy and Superbad. Oh, and Death Note: Limited Edition.

It would have been a simple bit of database programming to pull out the upcoming French titles.

Lesson 4:  try selling what your customers are buying. You’ll be pleasantly surprised.

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