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Breaking the rules, talking to yourself and killing your darlings
“How do you write so clearly?” somebody asked me recently.
Clearly, me? Do I?
Well, yes, I suppose I do, but it’s not because I’ve got some secret that nobody else has access to. I didn’t climb a mountain and meet a copywriting sadhu.
I just follow some simple rules. Or, in some cases, break them.
1. Read it out loud
If there’s one tip you should remember of the five, this is it.
Often, when we write, the words remain lifeless on the page – and we wonder why.
Wonder no more.
Scriptwriters know all about this. Words, phrases, entire passages that they thought were flowing, sonorous and effective, suddenly fall apart when spoken out loud by actors.
What worked on the page simply doesn’t work when spoken.
Now it’s not that people all read out loud when they read. Or even silently, moving their lips – what linguists call ‘subvocalisation’.
But a lot of people hear voices in their head (nice ones, I mean).
So read it out loud. I promise you, you’ll be surprised. As soon as you start doing it, you’ll see what doesn’t make sense.
As a Telegraph journalist might have done when he wrote the following phrase a couple of months ago:
Mr Clegg will leave his own conference early to deputise for Mr Cameron, whose wife Samantha is due to give birth next month, at a United Nations meeting in New York.
Now I don’t know about you, but when I read that, I immediately had visions of of Sam Cam with her feet in stirrups in front of the UN General Assembly.
See what I mean? Read it aloud, and you’ll avoid problems of delivery.
2. Break it up
Most people skim, and pick up the sense of the copy. So make it easy for them.
Break up your text with headings, bullets, bold and underline. Summarise the main points in boxes. Repeat your message. Repeat your call to action.
Include.
Enough.
White.
Space.
…so that copy can ‘breathe’ and not overwhelm the reader.
Break up ideas into paragraphs. Break up the paragraphs into sentences, and vary the length of the sentences. Some short. Some much longer, just for variety, and so that it all flows better.
Writing has a rhythm. So learn to dance with it.
3. Break the rules
How many times have you heard that a sentence can’t finish with a preposition?
You know what? Yes, it can.
Would you say products in which we specialise or products we specialise in?
Now you know that the first version is probably more correct. And you’re right – it is.
But it sounds stilted, formal and pedantic. Are you any of those things? Do you think your target market would respond to somebody who was ?
Of course not.
So be yourself, and write how you talk. And if that means breaking ‘rules’ (never begin a sentence with and, never use contractions, don’t use informal words or slang, don’t split an infinitive) then go ahead.
Break. And watch the magic.
4. Kill your darlings
This is a phrase from classic writing guide The Elements of Style by Strunk and White.
Your darlings are those phrases you’ve laboured over lovingly. You’ve crafted them, tweaked them, reworked them, polished them. You’ve watched them grow and develop, and are justifiably proud of them.
You’ve obeyed rule number 1 (read them aloud) and you’re still pleased with them.
Just a little too pleased, in fact. Every time you read them, you smile to yourself. And that’s an early warning sign.
It could be a clever pun. Or a particularly long, obscure or high-flown word. Maybe it’s humorous alliteration or words that mirror each other. Perhaps it’s a clever-clever tagline, or a Latin-inspired name that hides its meaning to all but the most over-educated.
Kill it. Before it kills your business.
Simple language works best. Because it’s simple, direct, and doesn’t get in the way – like the best newsreaders, whose sober dress sense doesn’t detract from what they’re saying.
5. Plan, write. In that order.
Copy is not like a letter. You don’t sit down at a blank sheet of paper and pour your heart out as you would to your granny or your dear old Aunt Joan who’s sent you a fiver for your birthday.
Copy should be structured, focused and concise. It should have a clear aim, and tell a simple story.
And throwing words on the page won’t achieve that.
So plan first. You can use MindMaps or bullet points, or just scribbles on a piece of scrap paper.
If you don’t know how to begin, then start at the end. Why are you writing this? You want somebody to buy? To make an appointment? To call? To set up a demo?
Fine. That’s the end. Now work backwards. What’s the thing that will clinch that decision? Good. That’s your killer argument.
Now work back to the detail – not too much, but enough to build to the killer argument.
Now back a step to the intro paragraph. Now back a step to the headline.
And you’re done.
Plan it forward. Plan it backwards. But whatever you do, plan it.
Then write. It’s the only way it works.
Find out more:
- Words of wisdom. Pleased with what you’ve written? Too pleased? Strunk and White’s The Elements of Style will help you kill those darlings.
…and when is a quote not a quote?
It’s been a while since I let pictures take the place of words, so here we go again with Copycam.
It’s my occasional series on copy that’s caught my eye and addled my brain, captured with my trusty Nokia (still in my Top 40, by the way).
First up is this, which I saw at Marks & Spencer:
Found the mistake? Or should I say mistakes?
First the glaring one: the apostrophe.
It’s such a tiny little thing, but it causes endless confusion. The general rule is that it’s before the s if the word is singular, but after the s if it’s plural. So that gives us:
- The boy’s coat.
- The boys’ coats.
So far so good. The trouble arises when that boy grows up to become a man and is looking for something to wear in the evening.
Irregular plurals are treated just like the singular. So you get:
- The man’s coat.
- The men’s coats.
So hats off (evening hats, of course) to M&S for effort. They got the general rule right, but in this specific instance, it’s wrong. And what’s more, wrong in 600 stores up and down the land. Oops.
Still, at least they tried. Unlike Sainsbury’s, who opted for the maxim if in doubt, leave it out. This time, we’re talking 500 stores throughout the UK.
It’s only an apostrophe, you might say. Does it really matter?
Well yes and no.
The meaning is clear, but the mistake still niggles. Small things suggest bigger things: if organisations don’t care about apostrophes, what else flies under their radar?
It may not even be a conscious thought, but it affects people’s perceptions. And somebody somewhere will notice (especially here in Cambridge, where every other person you bump into has a PhD.)
It’s an image thing. It’s a brand thing. It’s an attention-to-detail thing.
And it’s something that’s worth getting right.
Speaking of which, what else is wrong with the M&S example? Well first, eveningwear isn’t one word – it’s two. Whoever wrote it was thrown off-track by menswear, which (a) is one word and (b) doesn’t have an apostrophe.
And the last thing that’s wrong isn’t related to grammar, spelling or punctuation. It’s the small print, which reads:
* Applies to products with mens’ eveningwear stickers only. Excludes cufflinks. Savings are applied to total price when items are purchased individually. Items in this promotion cannot be refunded or exchanged individually. All items must be refunded or exchanged together in order for a refund or exchange to be processed although you may be entitled to a refund on individual items in accordance with your legal rights.
Come again? Here’s what I got from this mumbo jumbo:
- You have to buy these items individually to qualify.
- But if you do, you can’t refund/exchange them.
- Even if you don’t qualify for a refund/exchange, you probably do under law.
Oh dear. I feel a little bit grubby after reading that. I think I’ll head for the gents (note: no apostrophe) to freshen up.
Don’t quote me on that
If apostrophes bamboozle us, then quotation marks (also known as inverted commas) are double trouble. And recently, they’ve been proliferating.
Again, the rule is simple. Quotation marks go around something that somebody actually said. It’s a quote (the clue’s in the name).
Here’s an example:
“Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to so few.”
And another:
“I’m going to say this again: I did not have sexual relations with that woman.”
Easy, isn’t it?
And yet quotation marks are everywhere these days, often with entirely unintended consequences.
A couple of weeks ago, I saw this in the window of a shop in Cambridge:
Really? Who said that?
The answer, of course, is nobody. The quotation marks are being used for emphasis – which is not what they’re intended for. For emphasis, we have bold, underline, italic or a combination of all three. Plus CAPITALS, colours and fonts.
There’s no shortage of choice. Go ahead – knock yourself out. But save quotation marks for quotes.
It could have been worse.
Quotation marks are often used with sniper-like precision to home in on one particular word or phrase, which immediately makes you think of the opposite.
“Now open!”
So it’s not really open? It’s a joke? The door sticks? It’s not open when you think it is? It’s open but the entrance is elsewhere?
The possibilities are endless, but all undermine the intended meaning. And this insincere, does-it/doesn’t-it quote is everywhere nowadays. Somebody’s even set up a website called The Blog of Unnecessary Quotes.
Or to give it its proper title, The “Blog” of “Unnecessary” Quotes. Hilarious examples include:
- We value “you” as our special patient
- “Deal” of the week
- “Wet” paint
- “Special” Mongolian beef $5.95
Check it out, and you’ll never, ever use quotation marks again without asking yourself whether you really need them. I “promise”.
The wheel of fortune
To add insult to injury, the bicycle shop was closed.
It was 3pm on a Thursday afternoon, but the lights were off and the door locked. I checked the opening hours, and they were indeed supposed to be open. But instead, they were “open” (i.e. closed).
Outside, several prospective customers peered into the gloom, saw the sign, and looked puzzled.
And went elsewhere, probably never to return.
Find out more:
…or how to avoid mixing, dangling and losing control
OK, let’s jump on in.
Oh you thought there’d be a witty intro, a scene-setting anecdote, did you? You thought you could just sit back and enjoy the ride?
Well you can, in just a moment. But first, here’s a question for you:
What is a paragraph?
Give up? Well cast your mind back to your English class, and you’ll remember that each paragraph should have one idea. When you move on to a new idea, or a new angle on the same idea, then start a new paragraph.
It really is that simple.
(Paragraphs also allow you a little breathing space, as you can see.)
Now if a sentence is part of a paragraph, it too should have a purpose. And it does: it conveys part of the idea, and should have a focus all of its own. Pack too many elements into a sentence, and you’re heading for trouble.
Here’s an example from The Guardian newspaper:
Having been one of just 10 women MPs when first elected in 1982, at seven months pregnant, she has long been a critic of the gentlemen’s club culture, and while many of her colleagues are calling this crisis a catastrophe, to reformers it is also an unmistakable opportunity.
Feeling seasick yet? I certainly am.
This never-ending sentence is taken from an otherwise well-written profile of Harriet Harman, focusing on the MPs’ expenses scandal.
It’s a one-sentence paragraph, but look at how many ideas are in it:
- She was elected in 1982
- She was one of just 10 women MPs
- She was seven months pregnant
- She’s a critic of the gentlemen’s club culture
- Some of her colleagues are calling the crisis a catastrophe
- To reformers [is she one of them?] it’s an opportunity
This sentence is a bulging holdall, a ragbag collection of unrelated ideas. And yet it was written by a journalist with decades of experience.
Tip #1: don’t mix too many ideas in one paragraph, or in one sentence.
Say what you mean
Though the above sentence is long and winding, its meaning is still (just about) clear.
That isn’t always the case.
I know what I mean, you say to yourself, as you read back over a sentence you’ve just written. Sure, it’s not the most elegant sentence in the world, but then, you’re not looking for prizes – just to get your message across.
But it doesn’t matter if you know what you mean. Does your reader?
Last week, I came across the following sentence:
Interestingly, and perhaps in a sign that this is changing, Cruddas goes out of his way to praise James Purnell, who resigned on Thursday night with a spectacular call for Brown to do the same, both personally and intellectually.
I scratched my head. Aren’t all resignations personal? And how do you resign intellectually? I read it again. And again.
Then, in desperation, I read it aloud. And finally, I realised the meaning. It’s this:
Interestingly, and perhaps in a sign that this is changing, Cruddas goes out of his way to praise James Purnell, who resigned on Thursday night with a spectacular call for Brown to do the same, both personally and intellectually.
Tip #2: read everything you write out loud (but make sure you’re alone first).
It takes two to dangle
Have you ever received a letter or email that begins:
As a valued customer, we’d like to make you a very special offer.
Something feels wrong, doesn’t it? (I mean other than the ‘special’ offer, and the fact that you’re valued no more than the 100,000 other recipients.)
This problem revels in the delightful name of a (deep breath) dangling non-participial modifier.
In plain English, it means that the first part is unrelated to the second.
Who’s the valuable customer? You are. So the first word after the comma should be you. The corrected sentence looks something like this:
As a valued customer, you qualify for our great special offer.
Alternatively, you could rework the beginning, giving you:
As you’re a valued customer, we’d like to make you a very special offer.
See? That works better. Well the English does anyway – I’m not so sure about the offer.
But that’s another story.
Tip #3: if you begin a sentence with ‘as’, be on your guard. You might just be dangling (and it’s not a pretty sight).
This week, I’ve decided to papillonner.
Yes, I know I’ve advised against using foreign words, but this is different (no, really). Papillon is French for butterfly, and papillonner is what they do: they butterfly. They flit randomly from one thing to another.
It’s so much more fun than concentrating on a single subject, but like chocolate, it’s best in small chunks and only as a treat.
So what have I come up with? Well three ideas struck a chord – mainly because they sound toe-curlingly familiar.
1. Don’t forget to think one step ahead
Have you tried Google Alerts? It’s a great little service that scours news, blogs and websites to find keywords you specify. Want to know what Kylie is up to? Or Bill Gates? Or even yourself? (That’s called narcissurfing, by the way.)
It’s great – when it works. Some time back, I set up several alerts. Days later, I’d received nothing.
And then, by chance, I checked my Gmail account online.
If you’ve got a Gmail account, you’ll know that Google has cleverly decided to intercept spam at the server level. So even if you’re downloading your mail using their POP3 service, you still have to log on every so often to see what the spam filter has trapped (and to see a few ads, naturally).
And then the mystery was solved. For there, sitting forlornly in my spam filter, were my alerts.
So let’s get this straight: Google’s Gmail spam filter had trapped Google Alerts emails.
What a triumph of technology.
2. Don’t get too clever
It’s happened twice to me recently. I’m filling in a form, and the last step is one of those randomly generated collections of letters and numbers. All you have to do is type it into the box, to prove you’re a real human being.
And that’s when the trouble starts.
Is that 8 or S? Or maybe a 3? It’s distorted, squashed up next to something that could be a question mark, or might be 2. Your guess is as good as anybody’s. So you have a go.
Wrong. You try again. Wrong.
And then you give up. So something that was designed to avoid automated completion ends up repelling all boarders.
If you find this frustrating, you’re not alone. Somebody’s even set up a site called I Hate Word Verifications (don’t worry, you don’t have to type anything to access it).
3. Don’t let your fingers take over from your brain
Or, put another way, watch out for your blind spots (note to self: that line might need reworking).
Many years ago, I did a roadshow to launch some Microsoft products. My presentation was pretty straightforward, all scripted, timed and double-checked by the demo boffins on the mother ship in Redmond.
It was what we called a seminar in a box – just add one presenter, and stir vigorously.
At one point, in Microsoft Word, I had to type a line that included the word t-shirts. Now I don’t know if you’ve ever had to type and talk in front of 1,000 people, but it does funny things to your brain. And with my fingers disconnected and thinking for themselves, t-shirts came out more often than not without the r.
Not my finest hour.
In the end, I had to substitute the word sweater, safe in the knowledge that I could mangle it without audible gasps from a startled audience.
We all have blind spots. It’s one of the reasons I proof-read three, four, even five times before I send out any copy. And I’ve invented all sorts of ways of shaking it up to make sure I see the copy afresh:
- print it out
- change the font
- use coloured paper
- use coloured text
- read it out loud
- use a pen under each word and read out loud (make sure you’re alone)
And guess what? Shaking it up works.
I might even recommend it to the journos on the UK’s Daily Telegraph. If they’d used it, they might have included the letter l in public the first time round in this article online (ouch – they’ve since corrected it).
And finally, one thing you shouldn’t forget
OK, before we finish butterflying, why not flit on over to the TED site and catch David Pogue’s presentation? He’s the technology correspondent of the New York Times and his talk, entitled Cool new things you can do with your mobile phone, is entertaining, engaging and…cool. Make sure you catch his iPhone song to the tune of My Way.
Happy flitting.
…plus, naming your company, clever taglines, and the power of one little word
I’ve been framing, focusing and snapping again, as part of my Copycam series. With my mobile-phone-that’s-really-a-camera, I’ve found some gems.
And this first one shows just how critical it is to proofread. Sometimes, you need to do it more than once, as there’s always something that flies beneath the radar.
As it did with this sign. I wonder exactly what a consutant does?
A friend of mind who’s a recruitment consultant (as opposed to a recruitment consutant) once told me that it was standard practice to invent double- or even triple-barrelled names for companies in his sector.
I asked him why.
“It makes people think they’re dealing with a long-established company, formed by partners. Inspires confidence,” he said confidently.
You simply string together impressive-sounding names, he told me, and presto – you have a long-established company. Flashman Arnold. Ryder, Flyte and Blanche. That sort of thing.
I thought of his story when I saw this sign on a contruction site in Cambridge. For just a moment, I was reminded of Sue, Grabbit and Runne, lawyers to the litigious and the bane of satirical magazine Private Eye.
A walk to my local pharmacy left me scratching my head the other day. Not because I couldn’t read my doctor’s handwriting (prescriptions are laser-printed these days). It was more to do with a clever tagline I simply didn’t get.
First, I felt puzzled. Then dim. And finally, irritated.
I’m not in their target market, since I haven’t got even .2 of a child, but I wondered how many of their potential prospects felt it was just a bit too clever.
A trip to Borders made me think twice about the power of one little word.
How.
It’s got an in-built promise. You’ll learn something. You’ll find out the secrets. You’ll be able to do something new.
In the business section, virtually every cover used it: How to be an entrepreneur, How to get rich, How to lead, How to get more done. And my favourite, How to get your ideas adopted (and change the world).
It’s just three letters, but it’s irresistible.
How could you say no?
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