It’s the customer, stupid

It’s not about you – it’s about them. Don’t ever forget it.

A few months back, a pop-up popped up in Skype. Would you like to win £1,000? it trilled. Of course I would. I was excited at the prospect – positively thrilled, in fact. All I had to do, it explained, was complete an online survey that would help them improve the program. It would only take a few minutes. I jumped at the chance. Several long minutes later, I was losing heart. The questions were endless, and all began to resemble each other. I was answering on autopilot, ticking yes and no randomly, awarding 5 out of 10, or neutral when it came to agreeing or disagreeing – anything, as long as I could just get to the end of this damn thing. You’re almost there! it gushed. Except I wasn’t. Another screenful of questions taunted me. That thousand quid was disappearing faster than a carrot on telescopic stick. And finally, I snapped. In a fit of pique, I closed the browser, brought my clenched fist down on my desk (ouch – don’t try this at home) and had a double espresso to calm down (ditto). So what went wrong? Simple: Skype needed some info, so they found a cheap way to do it. They dangled the lure of £1,000 in front of me, and like a goggle-eyed fish, I bit. But here’s where they went wrong: they thought it was about them. It wasn’t. It was about me. After a few dozen questions, I didn’t care about the money anymore. Easy money should be…well, easy. And it wasn’t. It wasn’t even money – it was the chance to be entered into a draw. To win money. And even then, probably not money but Skype credit (no doubt to be used by a certain date). Net result?

I didn’t win £1,000.
I didn’t even get a chance to win £1,000.
I wasted my time.
I felt more negative about Skype than before.
I resolved never to complete another survey.
(and worst of all) I felt used.

Not good.

Through the looking-glass

If you want to understand your customers, think like a customer. If you want to understand a reader, think like a reader. Let’s take websites. Most have an About page. So what’s it about? Wrong. It’s not about you (haven’t you been listening?). It’s about them. Even when it’s about you. Everything you say – even when you’re talking about your company, your history, your people, your offices, your reputation, your fabulous dress sense and good looks – it’s about them.

What you say	What you really mean
We’ve been in business 20 years.	Relax. We know what we’re doing.
We have dedicated account managers.	You don’t need to repeat yourself to some witless moron every time you phone us.
We have a one-stop service.	You keep your costs down, you have less hassle, you can leave all the hair-pulling, desk-banging (ouch) details to us.
We pride ourselves on professionalism, service and [blah, blah, blah].	Yes – you did make the right choice. Now go to bed and stop worrying.

I Customer

Never write a word without thinking how it’ll be read. Never launch a marketing campaign without thinking how it’ll be received. And never call an offer special unless it’s just that – special. With a bit of practice, it becomes second nature. Some people, however, need more practice than others. Remember my Top 10? It included 3, the UK mobile phone operator. When I switched to them, they gave me £10 ($16, €11.50) free credit to be used within 30 days, just to thank me. Wasn’t that nice? Not really. You see, when I logged on on 3’s site, I saw that the credit had been ‘queued’. A little footnote told me that the credit would be used up in the order in which it was displayed. And it was displayed in the last row of the table. In other words, my free credit would be used only when my paid-for credit was gone. And if that didn’t happen in 30 days, the freebie would disappear. Free? Schmee. Don’t think like a marketer. Think like like a marketee. Don’t think like a writer. Think like a writee. Aka reader. Happy writing.

Kevin Communication, Marketing, Writing.